By Herb Stevenson
•
May 3, 2023
In prior articles, I discussed types of presence. In this one, I discuss the impact of presence through the point of contact or the intimate edge. It is at this edge that presence with the client occurs, and healing can occur. The Intimate Edge Darlene Bregman Ehrenberg coined the phrase “intimate edge” in an article in 1974 and elaborated in her book in 1992. Her focus was on the psychoanalytic interaction between therapist and patient. In other words, it was focused on the interactive edge of the therapeutic relationship. We will draw on her insights to apply a deeper understanding of the intimate edge of presence. The "intimate edge" of being present ideally becomes the point of maximum and acknowledged contact at any given moment in a relationship without fusion, without violation of the separateness and integrity of each other. We are maintaining energetic sovereignty as individuals while connecting to one another. We are focused on creating a healing (therapeutic) presence. Attempting to be present at this point requires ceaseless sensitivity to inner (energetic) changes ( a felt sense) in oneself and in the other, as well as to changes at the interface of the interaction as these occur in the context of the subtle energetic connection with reciprocal impact. This kind of effort, in itself, tends to have existential impact on both participants like an awareness that something shifted energetically, and this in turn influences what then goes on between them dialectically and energetically. When contact is maintained, self-awareness expands within and between each other. When the lack of presence exists, there is an energetic absence to the moment, the person, the situation. There is no felt sense. The "intimate edge" is never static but becomes the trace of a constantly moving experience of energy. The constantly changing moment in time has the potential to create a “moment” of connectivity. This connectivity might be experienced as pleasant or unpleasant depending on the degree of presence to the moment. If comfortable in the presence of self and other, it can be a moment of being “touched” in a pleasant and deep innermost way. When working within the intimate edge, it is never your responsibility to figure things out. You do not have to use your mind to think about how to undo a negative situation. It is the presence of being in the intimate moment that reveals what has been frozen in time. If there is not adequate presence to the moment, the intimate edge can bump into memories of unfinished or incomplete experiences that originally overwhelmed the person, possibly traumatized. Suspended in time and space as an incomplete experience, surrounded by disruptive and painful emotions (energy in motion, it becomes unintegrated. All you need to do is remain present to dissolve the persistent energetic patterns holding everything in place. Energetically, we refer to these as time crystals, moments or unfinished experiences seeking contact and completion. When the underlying energies are freed up (thaw the time crystals), they return to that zero state of oneness, the zero point as noted in most spiritual traditions. Each time the time crystal is touched by the presence of another, it is changed, and as it is touched it either dissolves into an energetic shift of awareness or increases its size and self-sealed protection. The emphasis is on process, on engaging in live experience, and on generating a new kind of live experience by so doing, in an ever expanding way. Energetically, we refer to this as expanding self-awareness and one’s individual presence, as existentially (a felt sense) there is awareness that something shifted into an expanded or greater sense of oneself or disconnects into a form of dissociation. Presence, and therefore self-awareness, expands with acknowledgment and explicitness of the shift in energy. Therefore, the process of acknowledgment increases the moment's dimensions and changes the nature of one's experiences of it. What is achieved is not simply greater insight into what is or was, but a new kind of experience, such as a deeper sense of wholeness. A felt sense of wholeness. Working at the "intimate edge" requires safely sitting on the edge of vulnerability through a clear presence of holding a nonjudgmental energy that creates a unique context of safety and allows for maximum closeness precisely because it protects against the threat of intrusion or violation. Attending to the most elusive interactive subtleties and "opening the moment" actually becomes a way to clear the field for self-awareness. This makes it possible for both participants to engage in aspects of the experience that otherwise might be threatening, even dangerous. In other words, the moment unfolds the felt sense into an healing presence by and between each other. In effect, the "intimate edge" is not simply at the boundary between self and other, the point of developing interpersonal intimacy and awareness of interpersonal possibility in the relationship; it is also at the boundary of self-awareness. In Gestalt, it is referred to as the “point of contact”. It is an energetic point of expanding self-discovery, at which one can become more "intimate" with one's own experience through the evolving relationship with the other, and then more intimate with the other as one becomes more attuned to oneself. Because of this kind of dialectical interplay, the "intimate edge" becomes the "growing edge" or the “healing edge”of the individuals and potentially the relationship. The introduction of intimate edge (presence) to the frozen and neglected moments in time instantly restores peace to any situation, regardless of the underlying conditions. As moment-by-moment shifts in the energetic experience between the individuals are acknowledged, reflected upon, and integrated, self-awareness of individual patterns of reaction and particular sensitivities can be identified and explored. This allows for awareness of newfound choices or release of frozen constructs, often unknown till now, as well as deeper awareness of feeling more whole, as if energy has been released and integrated. Even when the "intimate edge" is missed or bumped into due to inadequate presence in the moment, often experienced as an energetic feeling of danger such as a sense of intrusion, acknowledging the bump begins to restore the necessary presence for the frozen moment in time to return at some other time when the level of presence can support the moment. The "intimate edge" is, therefore, not a given, but an interactive creation. It is always unique to the moment and to the sensibilities of the specific participants in relation to each other and reflects the participants' subjective and unconscious sense of what is safe at that moment. Focusing on the interactive nuances in this way often requires a shift in perspective as to what is figure and what is ground. Forcing on presence or being open to the presence of what is present, can create a safe field for the client to expand their personal energy field. In other words, the focus is to increase the ground of the energetic connection with the client rather than to seek to reveal a hidden figure. This shift in focus creates an energy of safety that invites more presence of the individual. For example, where an individual drifts into a fantasy that energetically takes him or her out of the room (energetically absent), the content and interactive meaning are not as important as the energetic shifts preceding the story telling .The focus becomes to support the re-membering the felt sense of the energetic buildup, often in the form of emotions and bodily sensations, that triggered the release of a story. Exploring what energetically triggered the fantasy by simply acknowledging the emotions as energy in motion, may reveal the subtler patterns of his or her own experience. As Ehrenberg noted, “it can facilitate a shift on the part of the individual from feeling victimized or helpless, stuck without any options, to freshly experiencing his or her own power and responsibility in relation to multiple choices.” Aiming for the "intimate edge" does not support healing presence. It is not our duty to seek the frozen moments or to determine the content. Our presence supports the client to safety experience the release of energy, which ultimately is empowering to the client. We can use our awareness of a shift in energy as a clue that something may need to be acknowledged to support the experience. Hence one’s energetic sensitivity is particularly key where the individual may not be fully in touch with this dimension of his or her own experience. If one locates and relays his or her own experience when the patient cannot, this can help to locate and possibly dissolve the time crystal frozen in time as a significant shift in energy. May Your Day be Filled with Presence.